At its core, people-pleasing is the act of pleasing others over oneself. It might look like selflessness, but it is motivated by a fear of not being accepted and a desire to be liked. Constant people pleasing can manifest in being overly agreeable to others and/or putting too much effort into gaining acceptance or approval from others. These behaviors often result in putting yourself in situations that might be regarded as unfavorable but for the end goal of pleasing others so they will like you and reciprocate your efforts. In other words, pleasers will engage in people-pleasing behaviors, assuming that they will be rewarded and reciprocated.
People-pleasing can lead to imbalanced relationships where one party is always giving (the people pleaser), and one party is always taking. These interactions can cause resentment to arise due to unmet expectations rooted in covert contracting with others.
So how can you tell when you are doing this? An honest self-appraisal is a good place to start. Ask yourself the following questions:
